Back-to-School Anxiety: Helping Brooklyn Parents Support Their Kids

By Yana Shenker, LCSW-R
Founder, Resilient Mind Psychotherapy

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The last weeks of summer can feel like a rollercoaster for families. Some children count down the days until they see their friends and dive into new subjects. Others, however, feel knots in their stomach at the thought of returning to school. This back-to-school anxiety isn’t just “nervousness” — it can appear as tearful mornings, bedtime battles, restless nights, or repeated “What if…?” questions about the year ahead.

In my work with children here in Brooklyn, I’ve seen how the mix of excitement and uncertainty can trigger both emotional and physical symptoms—a reaction often described as anticipatory anxiety (Harvard Health Publishing, 2018). For some kids, it’s about walking into a classroom full of strangers; for others, it’s the pressure of keeping up academically.

The good news? With the right approach, parents can help turn anxiety into a sense of readiness. By building predictability, validating feelings, and practicing coping skills ahead of time, you can give your child tools that last long after the first day of school.

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Why Back-to-School Anxiety Happens in Kids

Back-to-school anxiety is a form of anticipatory anxiety—worry about what might happen. In children, it often sounds like:

• “Will I make friends?”

• “Will my teacher like me?”

• “What if I can’t find my classroom?”

Even exciting milestones, like starting middle school or moving to a bigger classroom, can feel overwhelming—a phenomenon noted by the Child Mind Institute (n.d.), which highlights that change, even positive, can be stressful for children.

Understanding these signs is the first step in helping your child feel prepared and supported as they begin the school year.

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8 Therapist-Recommended Strategies to Ease Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety

1. Shift Into School Mode Gradually

Two weeks before school starts, begin adjusting bedtime and wake-up times in small increments. This gives your child’s body clock time to adapt, reducing first-week exhaustion.

💡 Therapist Tip: End the day with a short calming activity—reading aloud, a warm bath, or gentle stretches. Consistency signals safety to the nervous system.

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2. Make the School Feel Familiar

If your child can tour the school before opening day, take them. Walk the hallways, locate their classroom, and visit the playground. Familiar sights reduce “unknowns,” which are often the root of anxiety. Research from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (n.d.) recommends early exposure to the school environment to lower these fears.

💡 No Access? Explore the school’s website, photos, or even Google Street View together. You can also draw a fun “first-day map” with key spots marked.

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3. Listen First, Reassure Second

Avoid quickly dismissing fears with “You’ll be fine.” Instead, validate feelings:

“I can see you’re feeling nervous about tomorrow, and that’s a normal feeling. Let’s make a plan together.”
Validation strengthens trust and keeps the door open for honest communication.

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4. Practice Coping Tools Before They’re Needed

Teach strategies they can use without adult help:

• Belly Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold 4, exhale 4.

• Worry Notes: Write or draw the worry, then “close” it in an envelope until later.

• Comfort Cue: A small token in their pocket as a reminder of home.

Role-play real-life situations like asking a question in class or greeting a new friend to boost confidence.

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5. Build Friendships in Advance

A familiar face on the first day can cut anxiety in half. Arrange a short meetup or park playdate with future classmates if possible.

💡 For Shy Kids: Come up with three conversation starters they can keep in mind, such as “What game do you like at recess?” or “Do you have a pet?”

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6. Keep Mornings Calm and Predictable

Prepare school bags, clothes, and lunches the night before. In the morning, aim for an unhurried pace.

💡 Mood Booster: Play a cheerful morning playlist while getting ready—music sets an emotional tone.

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7. Ask Better After-School Questions

Skip “How was school?” and try open-ended prompts:

• “What made you smile today?”

• “What was the trickiest part of your day?”

• “Who did you talk to at lunch?”

These give you a clearer picture without making your child feel interrogated.

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8. Manage Your Own Anxiety

Children are emotional mirrors. If you’re tense about the school year, they’ll sense it. Keep your own stress in check with mindfulness, exercise, or a quick walk before pickup. Calm parents model resilience for their children.

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When to Consider Professional Help for School Anxiety

It’s normal for children to need a week or two to settle into the school routine (Harvard Health Publishing, 2018). But if your child continues to avoid school, complains of frequent stomachaches or headaches, or shows ongoing signs of distress well into the term, it may be time to seek professional support.

At Resilient Mind Psychotherapy in Brooklyn, we offer child therapy designed specifically for young learners. Our sessions may include:

• Child-focused CBT techniques to reframe anxious thoughts and build problem-solving skills

• Emotion coaching to help kids name and manage overwhelming feelings

• Play therapy to create a safe, nonverbal way to explore worries and fears

• Parent coaching so families can reinforce coping strategies at home

When helpful, we collaborate directly with teachers and school counselors—creating a consistent, supportive environment both in class and at home.

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Extra Resources for Parents

Want to keep your child’s transition on track after the first week? Read our companion article: 

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A Final Word

Back-to-school anxiety is a natural reaction to change. But with early intervention, validation, and the right coping tools, your child can move from fearful to confident.

Resilient Mind Psychotherapy offers both in-person sessions in Brooklyn and online therapy options for parents who need flexibility.

📅 Book a consultation today – We accept: Cigna, Aetna, Fidelis Care and 1199SEIU insurance plans.

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Back-to-School Anxiety FAQs

1) Can back-to-school anxiety happen in older kids or teens?
Yes — while younger children often show it through clinginess or meltdowns, older kids and teens may express anxiety through irritability, withdrawal, or complaints about schoolwork.

2) Is it okay to let my child skip school for a “mental health day”?
Occasional rest days can be helpful if used intentionally, but frequent absences can reinforce avoidance. If anxiety is driving the need to skip, professional guidance is recommended.

3) Should I talk to my child’s teacher about their anxiety?
Yes — teachers can be allies in easing the transition. Let them know about your child’s triggers and coping tools so they can offer discreet support during the school day.

4) Does diet or sleep affect back-to-school anxiety?
Absolutely. A balanced breakfast, adequate hydration, and 8–10 hours of sleep can help regulate mood and stress response.

5) How can I help my child if they don’t want to talk about their feelings?
Offer indirect outlets like drawing, journaling, or storytelling. Some children open up more during activities like walks, crafts, or car rides where the focus isn’t solely on “the talk.”

6) Can online therapy help with school-related anxiety?
Yes — virtual sessions can give children a comfortable environment to learn coping skills, especially if they’re hesitant to open up in a new office setting.

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References

Harvard Health Publishing. (2018, August 23). Back-to-school anxiety. Harvard Medical School. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/back-to-school-anxiety-2018082314617

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (n.d.). 7 tips for addressing back-to-school anxiety. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/7-tips-addressing-back-school-anxiety

Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). Back-to-school anxiety. https://childmind.org/article/back-school-anxiety/